Nov 13, 2025 | by Akash O'Neal, Colearn Chronicle Journalist

Humanity, We Have a Problem

I'm genuinely not sure if this is humanity's highest or lowest point. Recently Ohio lawmakers proposed House Bill 469 to formally ban marriage between AI and humans. We should applaud this glorious victory for common sense, but the truth is, the fact that this bill needs to exist at all is really embarrassing for the entire species.

We skipped straight past "AI taking our jobs" and switched to "AI stealing our hearts." It’s pathetic that a branch of government needs to pause its work to ensure our legal marriages stay sentient-only, but here we are.

Also, a recent survey found that 28% of adults have admitted to having an "intimate or romantic relationship with AI." Twenty-eight percent! Like what actual heck does that even mean. I don't even want to know.

The rest of the country needs to follow suit and confirm, in writing, that a legal spouse must have a pulse, and opposable thumbs. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. WE NEED MORE STATES TO DO THIS IMMEDIATELY!

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